You have to let her go
by Minroka
Summary: AU. Prequel to 'Ahsoka's ghost'. Returning from Mortis, without his Padawan, how did Anakin manage?
1. Chapter 1

AN: the idea of how Anakin could (or couldn't) deal with his Padawan's death had been running in my mind for a while, now. Please, enjoy!

* * *

 **You have to let her go**

* * *

~Padmé ~

"Senator Amidala!" At the call of her name, Padmé turned and watched Master Kenobi hurrying toward her. She waited, letting her fellow Senators streamed around her.

"Master Kenobi," she greeted when he reached her, "what can I do for you?"

He was frowning and she had a very good idea what he wanted to ask. Anakin. Anakin who wasn't himself since their last mission, Anakin who would wake up every night, screaming a single name 'Ahsoka!' as he tore himself from his nightmare, always the same. Anakin, who didn't, couldn't accept his Padawan's death.

He started walking and she fell in steps next to him, "How is he?"

She didn't ask who he was talking about, nor why he would ask her. Since _that_ mission, Anakin wasn't giving a damn about keeping their relationship a secret. She sighed inaudibly, he wasn't giving a single thought about what the Council was thinking or telling him either, these days.

"Not any better, I'm afraid," she whispered, glancing at the Jedi Master.

He nodded sadly, obviously not having hoped for anything else. They walked in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts, but all circling around Anakin, Padmé was sure of it.

"The Council is worried," he said softly, breaking the silence, "Anakin has never shown a great deal of respect to it, but now, he doesn't even try to hide it."

"He blames them," she told him softly, "He blames himself," she sighed heavily, "He's not himself, Obi-Wan, since her death, he doesn't seem to care about anything…"

"And that's what worries me the most. Anakin has always cared _too much_. To see him now…" He trailed off before adding, in a sort of conclusion, "The Council has decided to keep him in the Temple until he's better. Would you mind keeping me update?"

She nodded, "Of course."

With a sad smile, he wished her a good day, before heading back to the Temple. She watched him go, noticing the drop of his shoulders, his defeated demeanor, he who had always walked confidently with his head up. Ahsoka's death wasn't hard only on her Master, she reflected mournfully. Kenobi, though not showing it outright, was also taking it hard. And he had to worry about his former Padawan as well…

Making her way back to her apartments, she could feel tears gathering behind her eyes, glad that no one was around to see them. Anakin wouldn't be there yet, she knew. She didn't ask him where he was spending his days, as he always answered with a laconic 'training'.

She entered her rooms, checking first if Anakin was really nowhere to be seen. He wasn't and she gratefully let herself collapse on the couch, burying her face in her hands and letting her tears fall.

Ahsoka… Her mind conjured the image of the young Togruta, so full of life, always smiling, finding joy even in desperate situation. Their beacon of light in their darkest hours. Only after her death did Padmé came to really understand how much the young Togruta had meant to her and Anakin. She had wriggled her way into their hearts so easily, they hadn't understood just how important she was to them until she was gone.

She didn't try to stop her tears, her sorrow so deep it was painful. She had loved the bright girl, had loved her since the first time a very nervous Anakin brought her to 'present her one of the few non-corrupted Senators of the Senate'. The two of them had immediately liked each other and a true friendship had developed between them, much to Anakin's relief. To Padmé, Ahsoka had been far more than her husband's apprentice, far more than a friend even. No, to Padmé, Ahsoka had been their daughter in all but blood and she knew Anakin felt the same. Ahsoka had been their daughter, they had trusted her with their marriage, they had taken her to Naboo on those small 'breaks' from the Order… With a pang of renewed sadness, Padmé realized she would never again see the girl jumping in one of the lake, discreetly using the Force to soak Anakin through. Never again would she see Anakin's outraged look at her actions, running after the young Togruta to avenge himself. Never again would she fight off her laughter while wondering if she should put an end to it before one of them ended up half drowning the other as Ahsoka's innocent expression never fooled her Master for long. Never again… Why was it so hard to accept it?

She shook her head, no one could understand how much her death hurt. "Ahsoka…" the quiet whimper escaped her lips as she allowed herself to grieve for the bright young girl.

* * *

~Anakin ~

Anakin furiously cut down another training droids. They were watching him, he knew it, could feel their gaze on him everywhere he went, inside and out the Temple. They were monitoring his every moves, his every words. But he didn't care. She was dead, killed because he couldn't protect her. With a snarl, another droid went down. There was no emotion, there was peace, yeah, right, he thought wryly, diving to avoid a barrage of shots, what were they, machines? Like the droids they fought, to be able not to feel anything?

He knew Padmé was worried, knew Obi-Wan was too, could see how they were careful about their words in his presence. So unlike the Council. Another wave of anger flooded through him as he remembered the Council's reaction. 'We regret Padawan Tano's death.' 'We are sorry for your loss.' He snarled, they didn't care. What was she to them but another Padawan who would simply never reach Knighthood? They only regretted they were short one good element on the field. They wouldn't miss _her,_ not like he was, not like she _deserved_ to be. Only Master Plo Koon had come to him later that day, offering heartfelt words, nearly too overwhelmed to speak. For him, for his obvious pain, Anakin had made the effort to listen. He had remembered Koon had been the one who had brought her to the Temple, after finding her on Shili. He had cared for the young girl, maybe more than what was allowed, if his reaction to her death was of any indication.

Slashing the last droid in two, Anakin came to a stop in the middle of the room. It was time to join Padmé, she would be back in her apartments by now.

* * *

~Dream ~

\- _DREAM -_

They were back on Mortis. Anakin was standing on the platform, watching his Snips' back. He could feel something was wrong, the Force too chaotic around her. He wanted to scream, not again! She turned and he looked in her yellowed eyes, the proof of her corruption. He knew he was dreaming, he knew it, but was unable to change the dream, to stop his twisted memory from playing out.

She launched herself in the air, intend on fighting him. She was good, after all, he had trained her himself. But he found out trying to subdue her without hurting her, while she was dead set on killing him, was proving to be a challenge.

He wanted to stop, to scream at her to snap out of it, to hug her and never let go, to drop his saber, but he had no control over his body, blocking her hits one after the offer, attempting to disarm her.

He blocked a slash, retaliating with a trust, which should have disarmed her. Should. At the last moment, she turned, and instead of hitting her saber's hilt, Anakin's lightsaber pierced her chest. The yellow eyes widened in shock before she crumbled. No! his mind screamed, Ahsoka, no! He caught her lifeless body, hugging her tightly as tears streamed down his cheeks, Ahsoka…

\- _END DREAM -_

He woke up with a start, Ahsoka's name still on his lips, tears blurring his vision. He shot a quick look at his wife, relaxing when he saw his nightmare hadn't woken her up. Passing a hand over his face, he stood up, quietly exiting their bedroom and making his way to Padmé's sitting room.

In the bed, Padmé's eyes opened as she felt him leave the bed, tears shimmering in them as his broken whisper echoed in her ears, 'Ahsoka…'

She didn't join him, knowing she would be of no comfort and hating it. She knew he wanted to be alone when he left their bedroom, just as she knew she would have turned over and offered whatever comfort she could had he stayed next to her in the bed.

He stared at Coruscent from the window, watching the constant flow of traffic, even in the dead of the night. Holding his hands in front of him, he was mildly surprised to see them trembling. The dream had been too real, and its signification too heavy. For, after all, would it have changed anything had _he_ be the one trusting his lightsaber in her chest? _He_ was the one the Son wanted, _he_ was the one they wanted to test… And more than that, _he_ was the one responsible for her…

He shuddered, recalling the feeling of his saber cutting flesh, breaking bones. He had killed enough living beings with it to know exactly how it felt, the smell of instant burning flesh, the sound of blood on the hissing blade…

And her lifeless, cooling body as he pressed her against his chest, as he begged her to open her eyes. That hadn't been a nightmare, he could vividly recall her small body as he gripped her on Mortis, how she had seemed so small and _young_ in his arms, how _empty_ her body had felt, she who was always burning with energy, always moving. She had been so _still…_

Why, Ahsoka? Why did you have to leave?

But no one answered his silent plea.

* * *

~Anakin ~

On his 'forced break', Anakin was using the time to finally bring a few repairs and upgrading to the _Twilight_. They had been on the move for so long, jumping from one mission to another than the _Twilight_ was way overdue a good scrubbing and a few real repairs. Just patching her up for the next mission wasn't enough.

Shooting down his idea of a new bright paint job, - it would made it far too visible for the Separatist, - he frowned at one wire showing signs of age. He better replaced it before it chose to let them down in the middle of a mission, "Hey, give me the spanner, Sni…" He cut himself abruptly, looking to his side. Where his Padawan was shining by her absence. For a moment he froze, finding it difficult to breathe as once more, her death slammed into him.

She had always been there, near him, finding a common hobby in repairing the ships, so eager to learn anything he could teach her.

The activity had felt so normal, that, for one second, it was as if Mortis had never happened, as if she was still there, next to him. Until the harsh reality crashed on him, reminding him coldly there was no one there, no young Padawan watching him with bright eyes, no smiling Togruta handing him the tool he needed before he could even ask for it.

Angrily, he slammed his fist in the aircraft. All thoughts of upgrading the _Twilight_ flew from his mind. What was the point, if she wasn't there to comment on it, anyway? Taking a deep breath, he nonetheless leaned back on the weakened wire, changing it efficiently then moving on another repairs. But the small joy he had felt at setting the _Twilight_ up to notch was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

~Dream ~

\- _DREAM -_

Mortis… Anakin let out a sigh, it was always Mortis. Looking around him, he wondered vaguely how she would die _this_ time. Would he kill her himself? Or would the Son? Or, worse yet, would she survive only to collapse once the Son was gone? He spotted her form, turning her back to him, like always, ready to jump down and fight him. He didn't want to fight her, he didn't want to cross blades with her, not here, not when she was controlled by the Dark Side. But he had no control over his body, he was but a spectator as he fought her back and Obi-Wan joined him.

He tried to stop Obi-Wan from throwing him the dagger, tried to stop her before she could touch it, tried to block her from giving it to the Son. But he couldn't, not a word came from his lips and no amount of will made his limbs moved. Again, he heard himself trying to talk her out of it, again, he felt some small hope as he saw her hand gripped the dagger tighter, as if fighting inside her mind.

And yet, nothing changed, as, like the first time, she fell at the Son's feet and his scream of denial echoed in his ears.

\- _END DREAM -_

He woke up with a scream, "No!" sweat drenching his body, his mind's eye replaying her fall again and again. He had felt their training bond shattered the second the Son's fingers had left her forehead, a gaping hole opening in his mind where her presence had been, hollowness filling it.

"Ani?" Padmé's soft voice called him out of his memories, out of his unconscious attempt to search for the bond he once shared with her, full of light.

Her hand came to softly stroke his arm, "Ani? Are you alright?"

Sobbing, he crushed her in a hug, resting his head on her shoulder, drinking in her presence. She let him, whispering sweet nothing in his ears, waiting patiently for him to calm down. He hugged her tighter, afraid of letting her go. If _Ahsoka_ , a strong Padawan, a Jedi learner, a bright and so _lively_ presence in the Force had been killed, how could _Padmé_ survive this war?

Terror enclosed his heart as his wife's mortality imposed itself on his mind. He couldn't lose her, not after Ahsoka, not when he needed her so much, not when she was the only thing still worthy in this cursed life of a Jedi.

He would protect her. Whatever the cost, he would protect his wife.

Lying back on the bed, Padmé clutched to his chest, he fell back in an uneasy sleep.

* * *

~Anakin ~

Anakin furiously slammed the door of his rooms shut. The Council was such a bunch of useless old people! Right now, he wasn't counting Obi-Wan as a Council Member, but could they be any clueless? They had just hinted he could choose another Padawan, if he wanted to. Of course he didn't! Why, in Sith's Hell, would he ever wanted another one? He had Ahsoka, he didn't need anyone else. But that was the problem, right? He _had_ had Ahsoka…

But he knew he would never take another one, for no one could compare to her. She was brash, unheeding of his orders, snippy, reckless and lacked some discipline, yes, but she was _Ahsoka_ and she was also caring, serious when he needed her to be, helpful and always happy. No one, _no one_ , would ever compare to her.

He had loved her. She had been something between a daughter and a sister, needing his guidance to grow, eager to learn from him, but also ready to take his ego down a notch every other time. He needed her.

And no one seemed able to realize it, no one could understand what that brash young Togruta had meant to him. Because he wasn't _supposed_ to feel that way for her. But ignoring the Jedi Code, he had cared for her, had loved that tiny slip of a Jedi.

Padmé understood, Padmé still grieved her loss in the quiet of her apartments. She had been devastated upon learning of her death and Anakin knew it was real. After all, Padmé had often told him how she thought of the young Togruta as her own daughter…

The Chancellor seemed to understand him as well. He had been nothing but supportive to Anakin, giving him some silent support, agreeing with him on the shortcoming of the Council. And he understood Anakin's fear of losing Padmé, of losing his loved ones. Anakin was sure he would be appalled of the Council's proposition. But he didn't want to talk about it just yet. Tomorrow would be soon enough. First, he had to calm down.

He took a deep breath, centering himself. Ahsoka… Why did you leave?

* * *

~Rex ~

Between two odds jobs, the 501st was stuck on Coruscent, what with their General on forced leave and their Commander dead. Rex was doing his best to keep every one of his brother if not busy, at least in condition. He had maintained their training schedules and tried to find a Jedi to take them off world every once in a while which wasn't difficult, as the War took its toll on every Clones Company.

But despite his best efforts, he couldn't do anything for the mournful mood hovering over the 501st. He had only been able to see General Skywalker a few times and his worry had only increased as he seemed so… _not_ himself. He had been full of anger and pain, everything Rex had never associated with his reckless General.

And the Commander… Rex and his brothers had been unable to believe it, at first. Their Commander, that energetic little thing, dead? No way! Of course, they had known they were in a war, that they could die. But her? She had been simply too full of life to die, breezing through missions without a scratch. They had never believed she could die, even less so far away from them.

He knew more than a few Vod'e had wondered if they could have made a difference, if the one they had welcomed in their ranks as their little sister would still be alive if they had come. If somehow, they could have saved her. For Rex knew any of the Vod'e would have gladly given his life without a second thought to save her. She was like that, no one could work alongside her without being drawn to her sunny disposition. She had always treated them as her equals, even though they were only Clones, bred to wage war. She had fit right in with them, more approachable to many than their formidable General, always ready to listen, not the slightest bit against mingling with them, learning each of their names, inquiring about their well-being after every battle…

All the Vod'e had hundreds of brothers, but the 501st had one little sister.

He had overheard some Jedi talking about how Skywalker was taking his Padawan's dead too much at heart. He had shaken his head, they hadn't understood, they had never seen the two of them interacting. His General was brash, often disregarding orders or finding a way around them, but Skywalker cared. He was one of the few Generals worrying about his troops' well-being, one that would readily change any plans if the first one was turning out to take a too heavy toll on his Clones' lives. And if he cared so much about them, simple _Clones,_ how could he not care about his _Padawan?_ Especially a bright one like their Commander? They had been so alike, so fit for each other.

He had heard General Luminara telling General Mundi Skywalker needed to let her go. Rex would never betray his General, but he was sure of one thing, Anakin could never let go of his Padawan…

And neither could the 501st. All the Vod'e had hundreds of brothers, but the 501st had had one little sister…

* * *

~Dream ~

\- _DREAM -_

He knew it by heart, every twists of their so-called fight, every words uttered on that platform, down to the very leaves of the tree on the edge. They had been burned in his mind, as he visited the place again and again, and, even though the dream changed every time a little, he couldn't change the ending, he couldn't save her. However hard he tried to change something, she always ended up dead.

He was fighting against her, again and always, parrying her trusts, staying to defensive moves.

"Stop calling me that!" she screamed, "I hate it when you call me that!" As always, her words struck him hard, did she mean it? He mechanically raised his saber, unable to stop his body from reacting to the advancing menace.

He saw it a second before it happened, his saber was angled just a bit farther away than what was needed. He screamed, though no sound escaped his lips as that small change was all it took for the saber to pass her guard, and her momentum impaled her on his saber.

\- _END DREAM -_

Padmé was deeply asleep when he woke up without a sound, stepping out of the bed and the bedroom.

His heart was beating wildly as he sat on the couch, trying to calm down. He hated those dreams, he hated them with a vengeance, but at the same time, he yearned for them. At least, for a few anguished minutes, he could see her, _alive_ even though not herself. It made her repeated death all the harder every time, but for a few blissful moments, she was alive in his mind. Because, even if he was loathed to admit it, the truth was he was afraid of forgetting her. The way she moved, her bright eyes… With a weary sigh, he stood up and walked to a counter against one of the wall. On it stood a single holopicture, Ahsoka, smiling wildly on one of their break in which Padmé had 'kidnapped' them to Naboo. He took it with trembling hands, drinking in her laughing blue eyes, the utter happiness that seemed to ooze from her as she could relax and enjoy a time away from the battlefield. She looked so _alive._


	3. Chapter 3

~Obi-Wan ~

The sabers hissed as they met in a lock, Obi-Wan blocking Anakin's slash. They hadn't spared for months, as Anakin had concentrated first and foremost on his apprentice, but Obi-Wan was happy to notice his frontal attack hadn't changed much. Although, Anakin seemed more aware of his surrounding than when he was a Padawan, and Obi-Wan wondered if he realized how much he had learned from Ahsoka, from teaching her. He deflected another swipe before attacking himself.

Anakin had needed it, he reflected as his former Padawan blocked his saber effortlessly. After all, he had never been one to sit idly by, and his forced rest must be trying his already short patience.

And yet, he thought while evading his saber, having to come back to defend himself, even after three weeks, he couldn't see any amelioration in Anakin's mood. And from Padmé, the nightmares were still there, as strong as ever. The Council was adamant he shouldn't be sent on the field before he was back to a more stable frame of mind and he agreed wholeheartedly with them. But Anakin wasn't getting any better as time went, and it worried him.

Anakin's blade passed his guard and a jolt of pain raced up his arm as his hand opened, letting his saber dropped on the floor.

"I win," Anakin's words lacked the energy from before, the pride of having bested his former Master.

Obi-Wan nodded, "Well done." He grimaced as he used the Force to sooth his nerves where Anakin's saber had touched him.

"Anakin," he called before the Knight could walk out of the room, "are you alright?"

He could see the younger Jedi's sudden tensing and knew he wasn't alright, but Anakin simply shrugged slightly, placating a smile on his face.

Obi-Wan sighed, "You know you can come to me any time you want, right?"

"Yeah," he breathed out, "Thank you, Master." And he was gone.

Left alone in the training room, Obi-Wan watched the door from which Anakin had just stepped out. He doubted he would come to him, but had felt the need to reach out to the younger Knight.

He sighed wearily, making his way out, Anakin had always cared too much…

* * *

~Dream ~

\- _DREAM -_

"Are you proud of me, Master?"

The sentence cut through his heart, did she really wondered about it? Did he not made his opinion of her, his pride to call her _his_ Padawan, clear enough? … Did she die asking herself that?

He answered, like every other times, the words coming from his lips without having any control on them. Yes, he wanted to say, I'm so, so proud of you. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, how deeply he cared for her, and to Hell with the Code. But he couldn't, his actions and words never diverting from that wretched memory. If only for once, he could hug her, tell her all he never could, all he was afraid to tell her… If only for once, he could control his dream…

She jumped in the air, her lightsaber alighted and once more, he raised his own to meet her. Again and again they clashed, and not for the first time, he dreaded what end she would meet in this dream.

But suddenly, he felt something shifting, and instead of killing her, the dream seemed to pause, before a soothing calmness flooded his senses and he felt himself falling in a peaceful darkness, heading for the first real, undisturbed sleep he had had in a long time. He could nearly feel her presence next to him, before dreamless sleep enclosed him.

\- _END DREAM -_

Padmé had been woken up by Anakin's trashing and she was waiting for him to jerk awake after reliving his Padawan's death.

She was thus utterly bewildered when the name he whispered, "Ahsoka…" was for the first time devoid of any anger, pain or sadness. Instead, the name came as a greeting.

And to her further surprise, Anakin's breathing then deepened as he fell back to sleep, the tension lines on his face easing for the first time, relaxing in a much needed rest.

* * *

~Anakin ~

For the first time since Ahsoka's death, Anakin was feeling more like himself, more rested. The last three nights had been free of any nightmares about her death, ending before she could be killed and sending him in a dreamless sleep.

He even felt good enough to ask about his Clones detachment and learning they were on Coruscant, made his way to them.

He found them running a few drills under Rex's sharp gaze. None of them having spotted him yet, he used the opportunity to study them. Although they were as efficient as ever, moving as one, he could feel a lack of enthusiasm, a sadness weighing them down. It was even more visible in Rex and with a start, Anakin realized the whole 501st must still be grieving for their Commander, or 'Little Sister,' as they had affectionately named her.

She had touched so many people he understood sadly, there were so many that simply couldn't understand why she was gone. He had known the 501st cared for her, loved her like one of them, but lost in his own grief, he hadn't thought about them, hadn't cared to know if they were treated well on their odd missions as well as between them.

He took a single step toward Rex, but it was all the Captain needed to become aware of his presence. Turning sharply on his feet, Rex's disbelieving eyes rested on him, and in that unguarded moment, Anakin came to realized that his prolonged absence had made the 501st feel as if they'd lost both their Commander and General.

"General!" Rex exclaimed, before his training took over and he saluted.

Bu his exclamation had taken the Vod'e's attention and Anakin saw their hopeful faces turning to him, ready to obey his every orders, trusting him to lead them true like always.

But could he? He had failed Ahsoka, his Snips, the one he was supposed to protect. How could they have so much faith in him when he killed his own Padawan?

"At ease," he chocked out, happy when his voice stayed steady.

"Get back to that maneuver," Rex ordered, calling Echo to take over for him then leading Anakin, without looking like it, a bit farther away, hidden from prying gazes.

Rex had always had the uncanny ability to know when something became too much for him, Anakin reflected, more than happy to follow his Captain to a darker corner.

"Thanks," and Rex simply nodded, watching him carefully.

"We're mostly fine," he offered, without waiting for Anakin's questions, launching in a concise report of all the 501st had been up to since their General's leave.

But something caught Anakin's attention and when Rex finished with their last mission, he echoed the Clone's first words softly, "Mostly fine?"

He spotted Rex's nervousness, before the Captain admitted reluctantly, "They miss her. We all do."

He had known, but it didn't made it easier to hear, "I'm sorry, Rex," he said instead.

He shrugged, "What about? I knew if _we_ took her death hard, it could only have been worse for you," he hesitated briefly before saying softly, "She was our sister-in-arms, but she was _your Padawan._ It was always clear to us, the 501st, how much you meant to each other… _"_

Anakin was taken aback at how much his Clones' Captain had understood from his dilemma, "Were we that obvious?" he wondered aloud.

"To us, yes, but only because we could see you on a daily basis," he answered and Anakin felt a pang in his chest again. If they had watched them as much as Rex was hinting at, they had cared for his Padawan nearly as much as he had. "I'm sorry, Rex," he repeated, "I should have come to you earlier, I was just…"

But Rex shook his head, "We didn't want to believe it, at first," he admitted quietly, "I think what really brought it home was the fact that _you_ were absent. If you stayed away for so long, it could only mean she was _really_ gone."

He turned to watch over his brothers, Anakin following his gaze, "Could you tell us… how she died?" Seeing his guarded expression, he added quickly, "Of course you don't have to, but we've all been wondering… _What_ could take her down? And…" he marked a small pause, before staring in his eyes, "had some of us been there, could we have saved her?"

It was at that moment that Anakin truly understood how much his Padawan had meant for those battle-hardened warriors. For he could feel the unvoiced statement, 'We would have given up our life, any of us, for hers.'

Sadness encroached his throat, but he knew he _needed_ to tell them, they deserved to know. More than the Council, they deserved to understand how their 'Little sister' had been killed. For they cared about her, truly, deeply. More than what the Council ever could, they could and were sharing his pain.

"Yes," he said in a suddenly dry voice, "I'll tell you."

As Rex rounded up the 501st he could have sworn he felt Ahsoka's presence. It was so sharp, he turned to his side, expecting to see her smiling up at him. But there was no one and his face fell a bit further. For a moment, he could have sworn he heard her voice, 'Tell them it's not their fault, please Master.' Like she had so many times when she was stuck in a Healing Ward or bay, unable to go see and reassure 'her' brothers of her well-being.

'I will, Snips,' he thought sadly, repeating the words he had told her again and again. Taking a steadying breath, he climbed on a box to see the whole 501st waiting for him to speak.

And he did, as simply as possible, he told them of Ahsoka's last mission on Mortis. He owed it to them, at the very least…

* * *

~Dream ~

\- _DREAM -_

For the first time since the mission, Anakin found himself not on Mortis, but on a flat plain, surrounded by heavy fog.

Intrigued, he looked around, wondering where he was. From the little he could see through the mist, it wasn't any place he could recognize.

Where was he? Cautiously, he started walking, attentive of his surroundings.

He didn't expect to see a silhouette blending in the mist ahead of him, even less when he recognized her as Ahsoka.

"Ahsoka!" he called out and to his happy surprise, she turned to face him. For the first time, he could speak his mind, not limited by recorded speech and actions. He hurried to her, but couldn't reach her. She wasn't moving, but he couldn't near her, "Ahsoka!" he called again, yearning to see her face, to gaze into those _blue_ eyes.

Her eyes found his and he froze, taken aback by the sadness swimming in them. Those eyes, those _blue_ eyes, how much did he miss them… She didn't talk, didn't move, but her expressive eyes were gazing upon him, telling him without words of the despair she was in.

He gasped, "Ahsoka, what's wrong?" He wanted to take her in a hug, to assure her everything was going to be okay, to touch her once last time…

But she shook her head, her sad blue eyes still on him, before taking a single step back and disappearing in the mist, "Ahsoka! Wait!"

\- _END DREAM -_

"Ahsoka! Wait!" Anakin jerked awake, passing a trembling hand on his face, a dream, it was just a dream… But it had felt so real, her presence burning in the back of his mind so brightly he could still feel it, lingering.

"Ani?" Padmé's sleepy voice reached him and he shushed her quickly, moving out of the bed.

The dream had confused him. Why had she been so sad? If he was dreaming of her, he would have expected to see her happy and lively, as she was before her death, as he had always seen her. Why then would his mind torture him with those sad blue eyes? At least they were blue, and not that sickly yellow color, but he would have liked to see them smiling. She had had a way to smile with her eyes, as they twinkled brightly in the light, a sure way for him to tell she was really happy.


	4. Chapter 4

~Chancellor ~

"Anakin!" the Chancellor greeted, smiling, "It is so good to see you. How are you, my boy?"

Anakin shrugged, "Fine."

Unconcerned by the laconic answer, Palpatine probed the boy a bit farther, "I heard they're still keeping you on Coruscant. Isn't your Master already back on the front?" Where he had already sent Grievious to deal with the Jedi Master, knowing his death, so close to his Padawan's would surely break him once and for all.

Again, Anakin shrugged, "Honestly, Chancellor, I don't care much where they think I'll be the best off. At least, here…" he trailed off, but Palpatine knew very well what he hadn't said. Here, on Coruscant, stayed a very special Senator… He looked more closely at the boy. Anakin looked tired, still grieving that useless Padawan of his.

Tano's death had truly been a highlight in Sidous' plans. Anakin had been brought to the edge so much quicker and if he played his cards right, Sidious was sure the boy would join him within the year. Even quicker should Kenobi meet his own unfortunate death at Grievious' hand.

The Chosen One was within his grip and he wouldn't let him escape.

He smiled encouragingly, "And how is Padmé?"

This time, the boy lighted up, "She's doing good." But then his smile faded and Palpatine grew curious. Was he on something more?

"What is it, my boy? You know I'll help you if I can." Playing the benevolent grandfather was coming easily to him, after years of practice.

Anakin started pacing, a sure thing he was debating with something that he held close at heart and Palpatine waited patiently for him to start talking, "It's maybe nothing, but I can't help… It's just… Ahsoka was a Jedi, a strong one at that. And yet, she… she died." Palpatine noticed how he stumbled on the word, but said nothing, simply nodding for him to continue, "Padmé is…" the words failed him and Palpatine helpfully supplied, knowing very well where this was heading, "Padmé, though she is a wonderful and dedicated Senator, has no training in defending herself. Is that what you are afraid off?" His nervous nod was answer enough and he sighed, leaning back in his seat, "My dear boy, I'm afraid I can't help you with this. As long as this War continue, no one will be safe. But do not worry, Coruscant is one of the safest place in the Galaxy, I'm sure nothing will happen to her."

Reluctantly, the boy nodded and Palpatine smirked inwardly, this one was quite easy to manipulate, once you knew of his weakness. That girl's death couldn't have been more useful had Palpatine planed it. Though if he had known how much closer to Falling the boy would come, he would have arranged it a long time ago. He just hoped Grievious would for once hold up to his expectations and kill Kenobi. That would be just perfect, as there would be nothing left to keep the boy from joining him.

"I'm sorry I'll have to cut this meeting short," he said, putting just enough regret in his tone, "but I'm afraid I'm expected to a meeting."

The boy nodded, "Of course, Chancellor, forgive me for taking up your time with such nonsense."

"Never think it's nonsense," Palpatine corrected, "and I'm always delighted to speak with you. You should come and see me more often, my boy." The better to monitor him he added in his mind before throwing the last bit of information that would make the boy come back to him as soon as he could, "And I'll think about a way to keep our esteemed Senator out of harm's way. Should I find anything, I'll be sure to contact you."

Anakin's gaze filled with surprise and hope, "Thank you so much, Chancellor."

"As Chancellor, it is my duty to see to it that everyone here is as safe as can be," he smiled benevolently, "I hope I will see you soon, my boy."

"Yes, Chancellor, good day to you."

* * *

~Dream ~

\- _DREAM -_

Mortis. Once more. But as he looked around, Anakin couldn't see anyone. He recognized the planet, he could never forget it, but there was no one. No Ahsoka waiting for him, no Father to sprout some nonsense about the Chosen One, no Son nor Daughter. No Obi-Wan. He was alone.

Confused, he turned, taking in his surroundings. There was no doubt about his whereabouts, but he was utterly alone. Cautious, he started walking, not knowing where he would end up, but feeling the urgent need to move. More than that, he needed to find something.

No, not something, he realized, accelerating, someone, and more exactly, his Padawan. He could feel her through their bond, urging him on, desperate about something. Wave after wave of anguish were pouring through their training bond, instilling him with a sense of urgency. He needed to find her before it was too late.

Time seemed to stretch infinitely as he searched for her, her desperation a beacon in this cursed planet.

After what felt like hours of fruitless search, he finally came upon the hill in which the Father had laid his Daughter to rest. And up the steps, curled in a small ball of misery, was his Padawan.

"Ahsoka!" he called out, relief washing through him.

She lifted her head, and he could as much see the relief on her own face as felt it flowing through their bond, "Ahsoka, what's wrong?" He ran up the steps, coming to his knees next his Padawan, "Ahsoka?"

Bright blue eyes gazed at him but she didn't utter a word, turning instead her head away from him. Panic rose through him, "Ahsoka? Please, talk to me, what's wrong?"

She hugged her knees tighter against her chest and as much as he wanted to hug her, he just _knew_ she would vanish should he touch her. A strange feeling came over him and the words fell from his lips without conscious thoughts, "Were you… were you lost?"

She raised her head sharply, diving her eyes in his before nodding ever so slowly.

"It's alright, Ahsoka, I found you, you're safe now…" He trailed off as her face was filled with worry, "Ahsoka?"

She stood up, and suddenly, the world disintegrated around them, "Ahsoka!" he screamed as Mortis fell to bits around them, as her form grew farther and farther away from him, as he jerked in a desperate attempt to reach her.

\- _END DREAM -_

Reality came crashing on him at the same time as he collided with the ground, effectively waking him up. Padmé jerked awake as well, "Ani?" she asked, concerned.

He panted on the ground, trying to regain his bearings. He dimly heard Padmé standing and coming next to him, "Ani, are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he managed to chock out, shakily raising to his feet, "Go back to sleep, Padmé, I…"

"It was only a dream, Ani," she soothed him, but let him walk away out of the bedroom without trying to stop him.

A dream… It had felt so real, too real. And he wanted to laugh at his last words, 'It's alright, Ahsoka, I found you, you're safe, now.' He felt tears of helplessness gathering behind his eyes. Alright? Nothing was alright, she was dead, for Force's sake! He didn't find her quickly enough, it was his fault the Son got her in the first place! As for being safe? Well, he doubted someone dead would worry about its safety… The tears slowly made their way down his cheeks, what a pitiful Master he was! Even in dreams, he couldn't comfort his Padawan. And hadn't he been praying to see her one more time, to tell her how sorry he was? Even if it was in a dream, he had been unable to. His Padawan had been suffering, he had felt it, as clearly as if it was his own pain, and all he had been able to say were lies? He had never been able to keep her safe. How many times had he seen grief in those blue eyes upon their Clones' losses? How many times had he stood, waiting next a medical bed, for her to wake up? Too many. But how many times did he hug her and told her how proud of her he was? Never. Did he ever try to tell her how much she meant to him? No.

Tears fell harder. He had failed her, in the worst possible ways, "Ahsoka, I'm so sorry…"


	5. Chapter 5

~Obi-Wan – Spoiler from the Mortis Arc ~

Obi-Wan watched the Clones scurrying along to follow his orders. He sighed, the mission had been more taxing than it should have and he was relieved they were finally heading back to Coruscant. He had been forced to play the General more than usual, feeling the Clones monitoring his every movement from afar. Dimly, he wondered if that was how Anakin was treated at the Temple. After all, he had been there when the Council Members decided to keep a close eye on him. He just didn't understand before seeing his own Clones watching him warily that he was also being monitored. At first, it had angered him, then he had calmed down and thought about it rationally, ending with the conclusion he would have done the same in their place. After all, the mission on Mortis had been strange enough to warrant some following up. Added to that the death of his grand-Padawan, he really shouldn't have been surprised the Council asked some Clones to look after him.

Seeing they were well under way to Coruscant, he hailed Cody over, "Can you take it from here? I'll be in my room should you need me."

Cody nodded, quick to reassure him, "Everything is under control, General."

Before his Commander could add something else, Obi-Wan nodded and stepped out the Bridge, heading for the room assigned to him on _The Negotiator._

He was exhausted, he had to admit it. But as he let himself fall on his bed in a clearly un-Jedi way, he doubted he would simply fall asleep that easily. Meditation would be far safer. Slowing his breathing, his let his mind wander farther and farther away.

And straight into his worst memory.

\- _MEMORY -_

"Thank you, your usefulness has come to an end." The Son put a single finger on Ahsoka's forehead and she fell to the ground. Her bright, if slightly tainted, Presence in the Force suddenly disappeared and Obi-Wan remained frozen in place. What happened? It felt like walking in a waking nightmare, and Obi-Wan wondered why he felt so numb, so suddenly.

"Noooooooo!" Anakin's tortured scream echoed in his ears, a cry he knew would haunt his dreams for years to come. The fear mingled with the anger as in a single word, Anakin made the world aware of his pain. And for once, Obi-Wan couldn't blame him, could only watch, helpless, as the Son pushed Anakin away in a burst of Force, as he then turned on the Father, ready to kill him, as the Daughter jumped between them, sacrificing herself for her Father.

He was still unable to make sense of the next happenings, of Anakin's plea to help his Padawan, of the Father's denial and the Daughter's last sacrifice. Of the hope he had felt building in him as the three of them glowed in the Daughter's power.

But then, there was nothing.

"Ahsoka? Ahsoka, come on, wake up. Come on, Snips, wake up." Was it normal for a single plea to hold so much emotion? Was it normal for Obi-Wan to feel his heart being crushed by the agony in Anakin's voice, blocking his breathing as he waited for something, _anything,_ to happen? Was it normal for him to feel so… detached of the whole thing, even while hearing his heart break? This had to be a dream, it had to be.

But as Anakin bowed his head in silent grief, there wasn't the slightest sign of life from the young Togruta on the ground. The black veins of the Dark Side might have disappeared, but there was no sign of life in the small body laid in front of them.

"It's over, the balance is broken." Obi-Wan raised uncomprehending eyes to the Father, who repeated in a weary voice, "My Daughter is dead, the balance is broken."

"And Ahsoka?" Anakin protested, carefully clutching the too-still body to his chest, "I felt her power, what happened? Why isn't she waking up? Ahsoka!"

"Your friend is dead," were the harsh words of the Father, "My Daughter was mortally wounded, and not strong enough to bring your friend back anymore."

Obi-Wan felt pure fury erupting from Anakin through their old training bond. So much pain and fury he was unable to breathe for a while, only capable of watching his former Padawan cradling Ahsoka to his chest, standing up without a word and taking her away.

Obi-Wan turned helplessly to the Father, silently begging for directions. But the Father simply walked away, "And now, I must put her to rest."

For the first time since he became a Master, Obi-Wan felt ready to explode. He needed to put his daughter to rest? What about them? What about Ahsoka? _He_ had brought them here, _his_ son was responsible for Ahsoka's death! Did he not care? Did he not care an innocent live, _Ahsoka's life,_ had been cut short? Hatred like he hadn't felt since his own Master died built in Obi-Wan as the utter uselessness, the utter _unfairness_ of it all slammed into him.

He had to find Anakin. He couldn't be left alone. Or maybe, Obi-Wan was the one who couldn't be left alone right now.

Either way, he found it all too easy to follow his former Padawan's pain back to their ship.

Anakin was still holding her gently when Obi-Wan entered the ship, his short bout of hanger having dissolved back in numbness. But as Anakin spotted his former Master advancing, he ever so carefully set her down on one of the cot. Before shooting his Master a look of pure fury and striding back in the open.

"Anakin…" Obi-Wan whispered weakly, already knowing he wouldn't hear him. He felt as if he were standing in a heavy fog, his brain working far too slowly. He wanted to follow him, but against his will, his feet took him next to the cot and he gazed upon her.

She looked as if she was merely asleep, her face relaxed and her eyes closed. He could nearly fool himself, except… Except she wasn't breathing and he couldn't feel her through the Force. Her vibrant Force signature was gone. And laid down on that cot, she seemed suddenly so small, so young. She was barely seventeen and they had claimed her life. A child-warrior… How could a light as pure and unblemished as hers could be snuffed out within seconds?

"I need to find Anakin…" and yet, his body refused to move. How a so frail-looking thing could have appeared so much stronger in the Force? Did they really task her with life-or-death mission, with the lives of other? How could they have done it? She was so young…

He was finally able to tear himself from her too-still form, finally able to shake a bit of the numbness away and go looking for Anakin, worry for that always-caring Padawan of him building inside him.

That worry turned slowly to fear as his mind started to analyze the situation and his training bond filled with hate and rage. He should have gotten to him earlier!

He found Anakin in a volcano's mouth, fighting against the Son, who was simply laughing at his useless attempts. The fury rolling from him through the Force was nearly suffocating and Obi-Wan raised his mental shields tightly around his mind, as he took a moment to analyze the situation.

But he waited a minute too long, because as he hovered next the pit entrance, the Force exploded around Anakin in a mess of negative emotions and his usually light signature was overwhelmed with Darkness. Far too stunned to try and understand _Anakin's_ Fall, Obi-Wan could only watch as his former Padawan's lightsaber moved, too fast to follow and pierced the Son's chest.

His mouth opened in shock as the Son crumbled, Anakin standing over him for a moment… before falling to his knees, raw sadness replacing the blinding fury from earlier, his light dimmed, but, to Obi-Wan's relief, was no longer smothered in darkness.

\- _END MEMORY -_

Obi-Wan tore himself from his memory, absentmindedly noticing the insistent knocking on his door as he gasped for breath.

"General! General Kenobi, are you alright?"

Was he? Obi-Wan wondered idly, finally regaining control of his breathing, "General?"

"What is it, Cody?" he asked, hoping the weariness he was feeling didn't show in his voice.

There was a moment of hesitation before the Clone Commander replied, "We will be dropping out of hyperspace in five minutes, General."

"Thank you, Commander." He could feel the Clone hovering on the other side, puzzled and worried before his training took over and he hesitantly left, leaving Obi-Wan alone in his room.

He passed a weary hand on his face, surprised to feel wetness, was he… crying? The burning in his eyes and wetness on his cheeks certainly seemed like it. He blinked a few time, when was the last time he cried? Maybe for his Master's death, hidden deep within their chambers.

But he needed to let go, he needed to be strong. For Anakin. Anakin needed him.

He hadn't told the Council about that single minute where Anakin had Fallen to the Dark Side. The Council was already keeping such a close eye on the Chosen One… But _he_ couldn't forget. The grief, the fear, the hate, the anger… All those emotion had overwhelmed him and he just couldn't forget.

Anakin had Fallen, and he, Obi-Wan Kenobi had been unable to help him, had been unable to do anything apart from holding him when he sobbed down in that pit of darkness. The one he called brother was torn apart by his Padawan's death and he could only watch.


	6. Chapter 6

~Dream ~

\- _DREAM -_

He was nearly glad to find himself in the endless grassland. He had come here before, and knew she was near. Ahsoka.

This was her home planet, he knew it, even if he had never been to Shili. Endless grassland and, far in the distance, a forest he could only make out. He had even pushed down his distaste of research to make a quick jump in the Library to confirm it. Shili, homeland of the Togruti, covered mainly in grassland and spare forest.

He didn't know how he could dream of these lands, how he could be there, how he could know she was here, somewhere. But he was, and that was all that mattered to him. In his dreams, he could bask in her Force presence, sometimes going so far as to glimpse her form in the distance. But even without seeing her, here, at least, he felt at peace.

He started walking, the wind whispering in the tall grass, the Force a cool river against his senses.

" _Master."_ He froze. It was only the barest of whisper, but he would recognize her voice anywhere. He looked around, searching for her, hope making his heart beat wildly. Never before had she called to him, never before had he heard her voice in a dream. "Ahsoka?" he called out in the vast plain, waiting for an answer. But none was forthcoming and after a few minutes, he let his head drop, starting to walk again, the purpose of finding her guiding his steps. Because this time, he would find her, he was sure of it, could feel it in his very being.

And found her he did. She was sitting on a rock, in a meditative pause. He had to blink a few times at that. Meditating? His Snips? She hated it!

"Ahsoka?" he called, overjoyed to have found her. She opened her eyes, but didn't turn to look at him, making him wonder for a few seconds if she was even aware of his presence. But then she nodded, turning guarded eyes to him, and he had the uneasy feeling she was appraising him, gauging him.

In a burst of unrestrained emotions, he suddenly spilled out, "Ahsoka, I'm so sorry. Please…" he stopped himself, what anyone could tell to their victim, to the one they killed? He gulped, trying to dislodge the ball in his throat, "Ahsoka..." the next words rushed out before he could think them, "you know I'm proud of you, don't you?" There was a hint of desperation in his voice as she levelled him in unreadable eyes, but far too knowing for his young Padawan. He waited with batted breath as slowly, oh so slowly, she nodded.

He felt the air whooshing away from him as an unbearable weigh was lifted from his shoulder. On impulse, he reached for her, wanting more than anything to hug her…

The grassland crumbled as he was sent flying away from her and the dream, into a black void.

\- _END DREAM -_

Anakin was walking through the Temple, not really caring about where he was going. As much as he loved those dreams, where he could, if not see her, at least _feel_ her, they confused him to no end. Because as much as he tried to ignore it, in his last dream, she had felt so much _more_ than his Padawan. And why the Hell was she always sad?

And were his dreams encroaching on his reality? Because sometimes, it felt as if she was just _there_ , out of his reach, but _there_ all the same, her presence singing in his mind. Sometimes, he wondered if this was only an elaborated nightmare, and whether or not he could wake up from it and find his Snips smiling at him, mocking him for this twisted nightmare of his.

But a nightmare could never feel so real, so strong, so long, so…

He had to accept it, admit it. He wasn't in any dream, this was his reality and he needed to convince himself his Snips was… dead. That she wasn't coming back.

He doubted he ever would.

* * *

~Anakin ~

"Anakin? Weren't you heading to the Senate?"

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, "Yeah yeah," he dismissed.

"Then what are you doing here?"

Well, if he was honest, Anakin was asking himself the same question as his eyes roamed the hangar once more. He had planned on taking a speeder to go to the Senate and meet with the Chancellor, but something felt… wrong. And as much as he tried, he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

"Are you alright?" His silence must be worrying Obi-Wan. He shook his head, still trying to pin-point the disturbance he felt as he answered, "I'm fine, I just thought I heard something…"

Obi-Wan leveled him a dubious look and Anakin admitted he hadn't phrased it well, as the hangar was always full of people calling to each other and ships coming in and out, "In the Force, I meant," he cleared.

"Oh?" Obi-Wan closed his eyes briefly, trying to find what had caught his attention and coming up empty handed, "I don't feel anything in particular, what was it?"

Anakin frowned, "I'm not sure… Well, I better get going, mustn't have been that important." With a tight smile, he walked toward the nearest speeder, jumping on it and fleeing the Temple before Obi-Wan could ask him to meditate on it.

The ride cleared his mind, and he was left wondering about what he felt in the Temple. It had been a gentle pull? Push? … _something_ in the Force, telling him… not to move? Wait? Go back in the Temple?

Well, that just made no sense at all, he decided, parking his speeder and entering the Senate Building to find the Chancellor. The feeling of loss, however, was far more present. It seemed every times he left the Temple, Ahsoka's absence would hit him all over again. As if she was still living in the Temple, hidden from his eyes, but there, somewhere. Maybe because she was now 'one with the Force' and the Temple was the strongest representation of this Force?

He chased his gloomy and unproductive thoughts from his mind as he came to the Chancellor's office. The older man had said last time he might have a lead on how to keep Padmé safe… And Anakin was more than willing to listen.

\- _DREAM -_

If Anakin had to wander a guess, he would say he was on Shili, but with the Daughter's resting place a bit away. Well, he shrugged, this was a dream, right? Dreams just didn't make sense most of the time. And if this was really a mix of Mortis and Shili, he was sure Ahsoka was somewhere in it. And he could bet his left arm he would find her up the steps of the Daughter's tomb.

She was, and a smile split his face, "Hey Sn… Ahsoka." He cringed at his blunder, but she didn't uncurl from the tight ball she was in, facing away from him. He crouched next to her, noting her trembling shoulders, "Ahsoka?"

She sighed, raising her head from her knees but still resolutely looking away from him, "Master," the voice was quiet, a bare breath of acknowledgement, "you found me quickly, this time."

He frowned, remembering another dream days before, "Were you lost again?"

She gazed in the distance for a long time before answering in a whisper, "Am I? Or are you?"

He had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, but it was so nice to hear her voice again, "Where are we, anyway?" he asked, sitting more comfortably on the ground.

"Shili? Mortis?" he had to make an effort to hear her, "Does it truly matter?" her voice caught and Anakin turned sharply on her, "Ahsoka? Look at me, please."

With a sigh, she finally turned to face him, making him gasp. Trailing her cheeks in two unstoppable streams, tears were flowing from the blue eyes, "What's wrong?" he asked softly, yearning to hug her and take all her sorrow away. The tears shocked him to the core, his Padawan was always so strong, and never once, in all their struggle, did he see her cry. Not once. To see those blue eyes overflowing with tears tore to his chest more than he could have ever guessed.

She avoided his concerned gaze but he called her back, "Ahsoka, please, won't you tell me what's wrong? Why are you always sad?"

She let out a bone-weary sigh, "I'm sorry, Master."

"What are you sorry about? Ahsoka, there's nothing for you to apologize for!"

"I'm sorry I'm not strong enough."

"You're plenty strong, Ahsoka! It wasn't your fault!"

"You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

He frowned, getting more confused with every words, "Aren't you meaning what happened on Mortis?"

"Yes and no, not really." He waited for her to explain a bit further, but instead, her form blurred and no will of his could stop her from disappearing.

\- _END DREAM -_

What the Kriff did she even mean? Anakin was pacing the room, clearly frustrated. He simply didn't understand. Why was Ahsoka showing up again and again in his dreams and why was she always so sad, so distant? What was she trying to tell him? What did he need to do to see her smile once more?

* * *

~Obi-Wan ~

Immerged in the flow of Force, deep within himself, Obi-wan nearly missed the knock on his door. Shaking himself from his meditation, he called the person to enter, feeling for his identity through the Force.

"Anakin? What are you doing here?" Was his first reaction before adding quickly, "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but last time you came here was a week after your Knighthood…"

"Um, yeah, sorry…" he shifted uneasily in front of his former Master and Obi-Wan motioned him in, "Won't you come in? What can I do for you?"

"Well…" Anakin sat nervously on the couch, making Obi-Wan raise an eyebrow, really, what could have upset his former Padawan so much?

"Well… you see, since ...Mortis…" The slight catch of the planet's name didn't go unnoticed by Obi-Wan, but he didn't comment, "I've been having dreams." Obi-Wan nodded, prompting him to continue. They were both having dreams about that mission, or nightmares, to be more precise.

"At first, it was only what happened… more or less… with Ahsoka always…"

"Dying," he whispered helpfully, earning him a tight nod from Anakin, "And what changed?"

"Well, at first, it was only sleep, without any dreams, and I kind of liked it…" Obi-Wan could very well imagine it. Not having to relive that nightmare every night would be so freeing. But from Anakin's tone and his presence in his rooms, there must be something more.

"Then, I started to dream of her. I couldn't always see her, but she was always _there_ , somewhere." Ah, Obi-Wan was starting to see what the problem was, though it didn't explain why Anakin would sought him out.

"Until a few days ago, she never spoke, even if she reacted to things I would say…" he trailed off, as if unsure how to go on. Obi-Wan smiled encouragingly, "And what changed?"

"Nothing, not really, it's just…" he let out a frustrated sigh, "I don't get it! Why do I see her every night? Why can I sometimes nearly _feel_ her, just out of my reach?"

That spiked his concern, "But Anakin, she's dead, she's gone, you can't feel her." The hurtful look he received prompted him to quickly address his other question, he would be of no good to Anakin if he simply dismissed it. After all, Anakin knew his Padawan was dead, so there must be something more he hadn't tell him yet, "As for dreaming of her, how can it be bad?"

To his relief, Anakin relaxed the slightest bit, "In all those dreams, she's always sad, Master. So sad and I have no idea why." Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, confused as Anakin continued, "And then, two nights ago, she was crying, but she wouldn't tell me why, except that she was sorry."

"Why would she ever be sorry?" Obi-Wan exclaimed, trying to imagine Ahsoka _crying._ Ahsoka never cried, no matter how hard life hit her. Obi-Wan had seen her laugh in the face of death, mourn stoically the death of her Clones but never once had he seen her shed a tear.

"That's what's even stranger, she said she wasn't strong enough, but when I asked, she seemed unsure whether she was speaking of Mortis or not."

Obi-Wan sighed, it just made no sense, "Well, I'm afraid I can't help you, Anakin. I fail to see the meaning in this. Have you tried to meditate on it?" From his look, the answer was no. "Why not try now?"

It was a testament to Anakin's frayed nerves that he nodded before going in a meditative stance, Obi-Wan rapidly joining him, both of them clearing their minds but for a single picture, Ahsoka…

 _\- MEDITATION -_

At first, there was nothing, but then, Obi-Wan felt a tug and found himself in an endless grassland, Anakin to his side.

"Shili," he mentioned, looking around, "This way."

"How do you know?" For him, every direction looked the same. Anakin only shrugged, "I can feel her."

"Masters," the whispered word reached their ears seconds before they could spot her. She raised gracefully from the ground, turning to face them and Obi-Wan froze. That was Ahsoka alright. The markings, colors, stance, even her Force presence screamed 'Ahsoka'.

"A…Ahsoka?" he blinked a few times, not really believing it. She nodded, a small smile on her face. A _sad_ smile, Obi-Wan couldn't help but notice, just like Anakin had said. But in the sadness swimming her eyes, he could detect the faintest spark of a hesitant hope, though for what, he couldn't tell.

"Masters," she acknowledged, turning a too-old gaze on them before focusing on Anakin, "I thought you hate meditation."

"I do! Why do you ask…?" He blinked, "Wait, how do you know I'm meditating?"

The smile was more genuine this time, amusement slipping in her eyes, "I'm watching you, of course."

"Of course," Anakin didn't seem convinced at all, which seemed to amuse the Togruta girl standing in front of them.

Her expression darkened suddenly, "I told you, didn't I? You're stuck with me, Skyguy." She gazed away, the same sadness as before flooding her eyes, "Although," she whispered lowly, "there are places where I can't follow you…"

"You're not making any sense, Ahsoka," Anakin's voice was more than weary.

"You should be going, Masters, my time's up."

"Your time is up?" Anakin was clearly lost, "But you're…"

She shrugged, "Should I say _your_ time is up?" She turned to walk away but Obi-Wan called her back. There was just too much he couldn't understand, that just didn't make sense, "Wait, Ahsoka! Where are we? How are you here with us? What…?"

"The more appropriate question would be, 'What are you?' I think," she cut, starting to walk away, "As for that answer, even I don't know. I am dead, yet in some way, feeling alive. I am gone, but standing before you. Who am I?"

As she faded from their view, Obi-Wan had the uneasy feeling she was asking herself that question.

 _\- END MEDITATION -_

"Well," Obi-Wan opened his eyes, surprised at how late it was, "I certainly see what you meant. It is undoubtedly Ahsoka, and yet, it's not really her."

In front of him, Anakin groaned, "That was nearly worse than Yoda's speech. I didn't get anything."

Not answering, Obi-Wan replayed their meeting in his mind. It had been Ahsoka alright, but if so, and not thinking about the how, what did she want from them? She had been sad, yes, but from what he had seen, not for her. And it had been the kind of sadness tinged with despair, as if she knew something they didn't, but couldn't tell them. And so, Obi-Wan's mind was trying to come up with things a _dead_ person could be afraid of. And nothing he came up with was anything to be excited about.


	7. Chapter 7

~ Anakin ~

Anakin was, in a single word, confused. He had just come back from a meeting with the Chancellor and their conversation was running in circles in his head until he felt slightly dizzy. But what, in Sith Hells, could the old man knew that the Jedi didn't? Were they really withholding information from their members in order to… to what, exactly? The Jedi didn't care about ruling, they were supposed to help everyone, everywhere. But Palpatine had hinted to a secret they kept for themselves, for the Council only. Did the Chancellor knew it, then? And could it be the answer Padmé's safety?

\- _DREAM -_

Unlike the other times, she didn't come forward, but he had to search for her in the endless plain. That simple fact worried him as for the last week, she had always been there as soon as he closed his eyes. But he did find her, hiding in grass coming as high as his waist.

"Ahsoka," he greeted happily, sitting next to her. As usual, he drank in the sight of her. It didn't take him long to notice something was wrong. Though he hated it, he had become used to Ahsoka's unexplained sadness. But he frowned as he spot something else this time.

Her knees tucked under her chin, arms cradled around them, Ahsoka was staring far ahead of them, and for the first time in all the time he had known her, her demeanor was defeated. He frowned, a question on his lips, but before he could voice it, she spoke.

"Have you ever been tasked with a mission you couldn't complete, Master?" her voice was soft, floating in the air between them. 'Keeping you safe,' was his first thought, but he discarded it, replying cautiously, "I've had some hard ones, we all did. Some of the missions we went together were pretty tough." She huffed slightly and he realized that wasn't what she wanted to know, "I guess there were," he tried again, "but then, I was never truly alone to face them and Obi-Wan helped me from more than a few tight spots."

"That's the problem, isn't it? I'm alone." There was so much emotion in those two words Anakin stared at her. He wanted to tell her she _wasn't_ alone, that he was here for her. But instead, he heard himself saying, "Is it why you're here? Because you have a mission?"

"Yes. No. Maybe." She seemed so unsure of herself and Anakin yearned to hug her, "But even if it was," she continued as if to herself, "how can I hope to achieve it? Nothing I do is changing anything…"

"I'll help," he offered, without a second thought about what a _dead_ person could have as a mission, "Whatever it is, Ahsoka, I'll help. Just tell me what to do."

She raised her blue eyes to his and he gasped. Those weren't his Padawan's. They were too old, too knowing. It was as if the universe rested on her shoulders.

"How could you, when you don't even listen to me, Master?"

"I listen!" he protested loudly. But her eyes remained unblinking and he repeated quieter, "I listen to you, Ahsoka. I'm listening." He gave her a small smile.

She looked deep into his eyes, and he felt as if she was reaching in the deepest part of his soul. Her eyes filled with a sorrow so deep and raw he only wanted to look away but found himself unable to.

"If that is truly the case," even her voice was dripping with sadness, "tell me, Master… Why would you join the very thing that killed me?"

\- _END DREAM -_

He woke up reeling, Ahsoka's accusation echoing in his mind again and again until it was all he could hear, _'Why would you join the very thing that killed me?'_ He wanted to protest, to scream, to deny. _'Why would you join the very thing that killed me?'_ What did she mean? The Son killed her! _'Why would you join the very thing that killed me?'_ He wasn't joining anything, was he?

The night's silence was pressing on him, uncomfortable, stiffling. Unable to stay still, he stood up, pacing in Padmé's living room, the phrase echoing in his head, _'Why would you join the very thing that killed me?'_

* * *

~Obi-Wan ~

The knock on his door didn't surprise him, this time. Although he had had some doubts, he knew something had been eating at his former Padawan for days, now. And Obi-Wan couldn't express his relief when Anakin came asking for his help.

He ushered the younger Knight in his chambers, seeing the exhausted look on his face, nearly as bad as the day they came back from Mortis, "How can I help you, Anakin?"

Anakin looked around wearily before sitting on Obi-Wan's couch. Knowing it would do no good to press him, Obi-Wan set to make some tea, carrying the tray to the small sitting area before taking a place near the young man.

"It's Ahsoka." Anakin started brusquely and Obi-Wan nodded. Somehow, he had guessed it. But what did Dream-Ahsoka do or say to put her Master in such a state?

"I haven't seen her in a few nights…" he trailed off, surely waiting for Obi-Wan's remark that he _shouldn't_ be searching the young Togruta in his dreams. But Obi-Wan simply gestured for him to continue.

"And the last time I saw her…" something like fear flashed in the blue eyes as the Force carried a whisper of his terror to Obi-Wan, "she told me something…"

He seemed unsure how to go on and Obi-Wan pushed him softly, "Start at the beginning, Anakin."

He nodded, "In truth, what she told me isn't as worrisome as what she made me realize. How could we be so blind…? Master I need your help."

"You'll always have my help, Anakin, that is not something you'll ever need to ask for."

The assurance didn't placate him as he grew even more serious, "I found out the identity of the Sith Lord, Darth Sidious."

"What!?" Only years as a Jedi stopped Obi-Wan from jumping out of his skin and maintained an illusion of calmness, "Who is it?"

"Chancellor Palpatine."

"Anakin…" he started, looking sorrowfully at the other Jedi. But he cut him off, his eyes blazing, "No! Listen to me! I'm not losing my mind, and I'm sure of it."

Doubtful and against his better judgment, Obi-Wan nodded, ready to hear him out, though worrying Anakin had truly lost his mind.

"It all started with what she told me in my last… dream," he didn't have to tell who he was speaking about, but the way he hesitated to qualify it 'dream' made Obi-Wan realized they were more than that, far more, " _'_ Why would you join the very thing that killed me?' That's what she told me."

Obi-Wan managed not to gasp, but only barely. That kind of talk was sure to have Anakin fretting.

"It took me a while to realize she was talking about the Son, and more exactly the Dark Side."

"Anakin," he interrupted softly, "her death wasn't your fault."

He seemed unsure, before waving the comment away, "I… maybe... But anyway, if she was speaking about the Dark Side, why would she say I was joining it?"

Recalling Mortis, Obi-Wan couldn't feel so confused himself, though he felt concerned, was Anakin Falling? Not seeing his Master's disquiet, Anakin continued, "And then, I remembered the time when she said she couldn't follow me everywhere. She existed only in the Light, now, I'm sure you've felt it," he nodded distractedly, "so it stands to reason she couldn't survive the Dark Side. And that made me thinking about other things. A few times, I had to find her, because she was lost. But once, she asked me if _I_ was the one being lost. And I realized every time I 'lost' her, it was just after I visited the Chancellor."

"It hardly proves anything," Obi-Wan treaded carefully. But Anakin suddenly jumped on his feet, pacing the room, "Maybe, but it was one more thing to direct me in the right direction. Since Ahsoka's d-death, the Chancellor has been so patient with me, so good." Obi-Wan felt a pang of jealousy in his chest, which he quickly crushed. Wasn't he enough for Anakin? He loved the boy like a brother, wasn't that enough? Why did he have to run in the Chancellor's arms?

"And he also was… luring me, I guess, with talks of how he could help me keeping Padmé safe. Methods, he told me, not taught by the Jedi…"

Obi-Wan's blood ran cold at Anakin's tone, at the sureness of his voice, "Master, I've seen it. Yesterday, he showed me his true face… Please, Master, what must I do?"

Palpatine… the Sith Lord… it was nearly too much, but Obi-Wan knew he had to act fast. If Anakin was right…

"Stay here, or go to Padmé's," he instructed curtly, "I'm going to take care of this…" First, he had to warn the Council, then, they would need to confront the Chancellor… With a bit of luck, he wouldn't see it coming.

He was half-way to the door when Anakin spoke again in a whisper, "I won't see her again…" He turned, startled, to find blue eyes overflowing with sadness gazing at him, "It was her mission, and I promised her to help…"

There was so much pain, so much sorrow in his voice, Obi-Wan would have liked to simply go to him and hold him. But he had to go and protect the Galaxy he had sworn an oath to. With regrets, he exited his rooms. Anakin would have to wait. If he played it right, the War could be ended very soon…

* * *

~Anakin ~

It was truly the end, wasn't it? In exposing the Chancellor, Anakin knew he had no more ways to keep Padmé safe. But then, the War might end soon, making her, as well as all the other, safer than they had been in a long time.

But Ahsoka… she was truly lost to him now. He knew it in his bones. He might have done what she wanted, might have granted her her last wish, but in doing so, he had lost her, utterly and completely. And it hurt as much as if he was reliving her death all over again.

He sat down in a meditative pose. Obi-Wan had refused to let him accompany the Masters as they went to confront the Sith Lord. On impulse, he closed his eyes. The Sith Lord was still alive, right now, maybe he could see Ahsoka one last time…

\- _MEDITATION -_

What he wouldn't do for his Padawan… With a snort, he tried to imagine Obi-Wan walking in the room to find him in meditation. That was something he would regret missing, if it came to that. But for now… He looked around, where was she?

He blinked in surprise as instead of the tall grass he had grown used to, he found himself in a desert, twin suns beating down on him. He scowled. Ahsoka better be there, because there was no way he was revisiting Tatooine on his own volition.

"Ahsoka!" he called in the desert, hoping, waiting…

But there was nothing, not the slightest sound, nor a single whisper of a breeze, "Ahsoka, please! I need to talk to you!"

He tugged at their broken bond, trying to feel anything from it. But it stayed silent, dead. Like her, he thought, falling to his knees, she was really gone… forever…

A single tears fell from his cheek, immediately absorbed by the sand. Why!? He wanted to shout, scream, tear something apart. Why make her suffer just to stop him from reaching to the Dark Side? Fury took hold of him as the utter uselessness of it all settled in his mind. He wanted to hurt someone, really bad. The Son, preferably, for all he had made her suffer…

"You're hopeless, you know that?"

Not believing his ears, he turned, really slowly. A young Togruta was standing a few paces away, bright blue eyes taking in her surroundings, "Ahsoka? But how…? I thought…"

She shrugged and for the first time, there wasn't any sadness in her eyes, "I'm stubborn," she answered happily, "But I meant what I said, you're hopeless. How can you even hope to survive without me?"

"I can't," the answer escaped him in a breathless confession and he stared at her, afraid that he would scare her off, that she would disappear.

She didn't, instead coming to sit cross-legged beside him, "I died," she started seriously and he could feel sadness tightening his throat, "but as you tried to bring me back, as I was yanked from the Dark and back into the Light, I found myself traveling. Well, it felt like traveling, but it was only me seeing… snapshots. Bits and pieces from the future, both near and far," her eyes were glazed over and he listened raptly, "What I saw… it wasn't pretty, Anakin, I saw a Galaxy devastated by war and shrouded in darkness. And at its center… there was a Sith, Fallen harder than the others, though he was but a pawn in his Master's hands," she took a deep breath, "I knew I had to stop him. I saw him kill so many Jedi, so lost was he to the Dark Side." Anakin shuddered at the foreboding tone, "And to stop him, I needed to stop Darth Sidious, his creator. So thank you, Master." She bowed her head and Anakin remained speechless. He just couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did it mean they could have lost the War?

"So," he asked hesitantly when it was clear she was finished, "your mission is over? I won't see you again?" His voice sounded weak even to his own ears but to his surprise and hope, she grinned back, "I told you, didn't I? You're stuck with me Skyguy. And who else could watch your back?"

He reached and hug her, then, his relief so powerful he couldn't put it in words. She would stay, that was all that mattered.

"Wait a bit longer for me, Skyguy?"

And as something tugged him away from Tatooine, he heard her laugh ringing, like bells in the wind.

\- _END MEDITATION -_


	8. Chapter 8

~Ahsoka ~

When Anakin stopped suddenly, only reflexes honed by years in the field avoided Obi-Wan to go crashing in his back, "Anakin?" he called, but the younger Knight was fixing a corner of the Hall intently, blocking out everything else. His eyes were wide in disbelief, but looking around them, Obi-Wan didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Anakin?" he tried again, "We're not exactly early for the Council Meeting, we should keep moving…"

Darth Sidious might have been dealt with, but Count Dooku had quickly stepped in his place and though the War was turning in their favor, it wasn't over yet.

"Did you see that?" His voice was awed, but Obi-Wan shook his head, "I didn't see anything, Anakin."

~o~

Anakin's voice woke up Padmé. Groggily, she turned around to look at him. Sitting on their bed, he was gazing toward the door, entranced by… nothing, as far as Padmé could see.

"Ani?" she asked softly.

He turned vibrant eyes on her, more lively than she had seen in a long time. But when he gazed back at the doorway, his smile fell, "She's gone," he murmured sadly.

~o ~

"Come on Anakin, what are you looking for?" Obi-Wan had found his former Padawan lurking from shadow to shadow, intend on finding something.

"Ahsoka," he whispered, glimpsing in the next alcove, "she's near."

Sometimes, Obi-Wan had discovered, being a Master was hard. Extremely hard. Nearly impossible. Just like now, as he watched Anakin's concentrated face. As a good Master, he should have remembered him that she was dead and gone. As his Master, he should have told him to let her go.

But as he spot the light in Anakin's eyes, he simply couldn't. He couldn't destroy that new happiness. One day, he thought, walking away, he would give Anakin one day to search for someone who didn't exist anymore before shattering his dream.

~o ~

"I didn't think you could pull it up, honestly," Padmé kept her eyes closed, sluggishly wondering who Ani was talking to. Not to her, that was sure.

"Why I am the only one to feel you? To see you?" Padmé listened, her mind awaking, but heard no answer. She didn't know what to think, what to do. Anakin had started talking to his dead Padawan three days ago, insisting Ahsoka was really there. But as much as she strained her eyes, as much as she prayed for it to be true, Padmé never saw the young Togruta.

Her only hope now rested in telling herself it must be a Jedi thing. But if Anakin was the only one to see her…

~o ~

"Anakin," he growled. This farce had gone long enough, it was time he realized that Ahsoka was _dead_ and that she _wasn't_ coming back.

His former Padawan snapped his head in his direction, having heard the warning tone, "Yes?"

"She's _dead_ Anakin. Ahsoka's _dead._ She _isn't_ coming back." The hurt in the blue eyes nearly made him stop but Anakin _had_ to come back to reason. His Padawan, _Obi-Wan's_ grand-Padawan was _gone_ and _nothing_ could change that.

"She's _gone."_

Anakin turned half-way, "See what I have to live with every day, Sn… Ahsoka?"

For the first time in years, Obi-Wan lost his temper, "Damn it, Anakin, can't you see it? You're letting your emotions cloud your judgment, your _life._ I want Ahsoka back with us as much as you, but as much as I can pray, hope or wish, she won't come back. She died!" Anakin was watching him with wide eyes and with some shock, Obi-Wan realized he was crying, a few tears wetting his cheeks to disappear in his beard, "Please, Anakin, stop this. Ahsoka's death was hard enough, please, don't make me watch you falling to madness, _please._ "

Comprehension entered the blue eyes, "I'm not mad," he said softly, "And one day, you'll see I was right. It's alright, Obi-Wan, I'm alright."

And in his eyes, Obi-Wan could see no lies.

~o ~

The report wasn't of any interest for Plo Koon and he let his gaze drift to the others Jedi in the room. His eyes fell on the young Skywalker, a somewhat… controversial subject, at the moment. Despite numerous attempts to make him see reason, the boy continued to affirm Ahsoka Tano was back with them. He didn't seem to find it strange that he was the only one to see his Padawan's ghost, nor was he deterred by the Masters. He had quieted down a little a few days ago, but it was clear to Plo he still believed in his Padawan's return. He sighed, if only he could believe it as well… He had been the one finding Ahsoka, and hadn't been able to resist the tiny girl. She had just been so lively, full of questions and so eager to learn. If Yoda hadn't thought she was best off with Skywalker, there was little doubt in his mind he would have taken her as his Padawan.

If only… but Jedi didn't dwell on the past, nor the future. They lived in the present. And as much as it was hard to come to term with it, Plo knew the tiny Togruta he had brought back to the Temple was lost to him forever. But if he could see her just one last time… Wistful thinking, he thought sadly, his gaze coming back to Skywalker then slipping to his side, where the boy was looking, a half grin on his lips. If only he could see her again…

Suddenly, he straightened up in his seat. For a fraction of second, he could have sworn he saw something shimmering right next Skywalker, like a haze of heat. Except… it didn't feel that way at all. He stared harder, ignoring the few whispers his sudden move had caused, which quickly died down. There _was_ something next to Skywalker, right where his Padawan should have stood. Right where _Lil' Soka_ should have been. He opened his mind further to the Force, his eyes never leaving that spot. There was a whisper of the Force, there. A murmur of something he once took for granted before losing. The imprint of a teenager, full of life.

Lil' Soka… for a few seconds, he was unable to breath, as her features sharpened in the ones he had come to care so much for.

There she was, standing next to Skywalker, ever the dutiful Padawan, staying to his side. Her form was wavering, like smoke in the wind, grey but how so present, how so vivid in his eyes. Round eyes that were taking her without believing it.

She was simply waiting for the meeting to end, like she had done so many times before. Or not, his mask hide Plo's smile as he remembered how she would always fidget, eager to go back in action. But she felt a bit different, now, besides the fact she shouldn't even be there. Maybe wiser, somehow. And as much as she shouldn't be there, Plo couldn't help but rejoice, drinking her in.

It was then that she moved, raising her eyes to glance at the Council's Members. And her gaze found his. This time, there was no stopping the whisper that escaped his mask, "Lil' Soka."

She beamed, her form flooding with light. Her eyes never left him as she moved to close the space between them. He ignored his Council counterparts' sudden silence, their suspicious looks he could feel on him. He ignored Skywalker's half smug and half relieved smile.

His whole concentration was on the teenage Togruta slowly making her way to him. Without conscious thoughts, he stood up, closing the distance between them, reaching to touch her… He stopped just before making contact and she laughed, a bright sound, one he had missed so much, "Lil' Soka…"

 _"You didn't think you could get rid of me so easily, did you Master?"_ Her voice had an echoing quality to it, as if coming from far away, but it was undoubtedly her. Mischief was dancing in her eyes, making him smile, "You'll have to forgive me for doubting you could cheat death," he retorted as he could feel whisperings breaking throughout the Council's chamber, a few Masters surely asking themselves if he had lost his mind.

But the Togruta just huffed playfully, _"Took you long enough to see me, I've been waving at you for_ days. _"_

He laughed outright, "You have my apologies, Lil' Soka. Will you forgive an old Master, too caught up in his grief to look for what was right in front of him?"

She laughed, and he relished in the sound, _"I didn't care much about it, Master Plo. But you might want to apologize to Anakin,"_ Something fierce flashed in her eyes, _"_ you _thought he had lost his mind."_

Duly chastised, but unwilling to let go of this impossible sight in front of him, Plo finally took his eyes off Ahsoka.

"I fear I owe you an apology, Knight Skywalker."

Skywalker simply shrugged, "At least, now I'm sure I'm not going insane. She's even more of a handful now than she was back then."

 _"Hey! I helped you saved the Galaxy!"_ Both Jedi couldn't help their chuckles, returning their gaze on the now-pouting Togruta.

"And we are in your debt, Lil' Soka." Her smoky cheeks turned darker, as if she was blushing and she quickly changed the subject, _"So, how_ did _you manage to finally see me?"_ She looked around, _"No one else is."_ A sweep of the room, confused and disapproving faces looking back at them, confirmed her statement, "I wished I could see you one more time," he answered truthfully, "That I could see what your Master was seeing. I decided to trust him for a few moments. And then, I saw you." And now that he'd seen her, there was no way he would ever doubt Skywalker again. It was her. Changed, maybe, but truly her.

"Ahsoka," a breathless call, but the young teen turned to Obi-Wan, beaming, _"Hi, Master!"_ then to no one in particular, _"This is the best Council Meeting of my life!"_ They laughed at that, and though he wouldn't admit it aloud, Plo agreed with her. For him too, it was by far the best meeting he had ever had.

"Found your way back to us, I see you have, young Ahsoka."

And that was all. If Master Yoda himself acknowledged her presence, no one else who contest her existence. His Lil' Soka was truly back.

 _"It is good to be back,"_ she bowed respectfully and Plo wondered. A single leap of faith, that was all he had needed…


End file.
